Marry The Crazies

Posted on January 25, 2015 by Robert Downs

Cliff Walk: A Liam Mulligan Novel by Bruce DeSilva
My Rating: 4/5 Stars

I can do sarcastic smart-ass all day long. In fact, I want to love it and squeeze it and then kiss it on the forehead. Liam Mulligan may have a tendency to marry the crazies, but he sure does know how to fire off the one-liners. And that worked for me. The man may not walk around with a loaded gun in his pants, but he has a loaded weapon between his lips, and he’s not afraid to use it. Yes, indeed, he shoveled more shit than a circus performer, and he put more than one smile on my face.

CLIFF WALK started out dark, and then it got darker. And when that wasn’t enough, I went out searching for a nightlight and a Snuggie and a glass of warm milk. Speaking of which, Rhode Island is a great place to take the kids and nothing bad ever happens there at all. Except prostitution and newspapers that break faster than a pair of eggs and pornographic films and dead bodies and child pornography…and shit that’s the mailman at the door and he’s wielding a machine gun. “Oh, my God, they found me, I don’t know how, but they found me. Run for it Marty!” Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Just as I needed to do with this review.

Sure, this book was great, but I think I’m going to need my Snuggie and glass of warm milk for a few more nights.

I received this book for free at Bouchercon.

A Bigger Bone

Posted on January 23, 2015 by Robert Downs

Paw and Order by Spencer Quinn
My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Chet may be one brilliant bastard (for a dog), but I read this during my darker days where the nights were long and the radiator was cold, and it’s hard to read (or sleep) when you have a flashlight shined in your eyes every half-hour. Sure, the cabin was fun for the first day or so, and I even pretended to like it, but not sleeping gets old really fast.

And so does Chet. Something was amiss, and I don’t think it was the lack of bacon bits. Sure, Suzie Sanchez makes an appearance, and where would Chet be without Bernie by his side, but I just wanted a bigger bone, and more fresh water in my bowl (and not the kind you get out of the toilet either as that’s saved for special occasions).

But even though I missed the smell of bacon and water and more than a few scratches on my belly, I still enjoyed frolicking around inside Chet’s head. The air was crisp and plenty (since it was blowing in my face), and I leaned my head out the window and squirrel and then he was running and I was running and my teeth were smacking and his lips were jabbering and I found myself being yelled at for no apparent reason. And that’s sort of what PAW AND ORDER felt like. It started out as great fun, but I ended up getting scolded in the end.

I received this book for free through NetGalley.

Life Of A Con

Posted on January 11, 2015 by Robert Downs

Ignited by J. Kenner
My Rating: 2/5 Stars

If this hadn’t been my sixth J. Kenner book, I’d probably be loving life a little more than I am right now. What started out as a fun fantasy has turned more than a little crazy. Sure, I’ll freely admit I have a problem and thy name is book smut (aka book porn). When I discovered this little bastard about the time people were talking up Fifty Shades Of Grey like it was the second coming of Playboy, I became more than a little curious. So I dipped my hand in Release Me, and the next thing I knew I had a pair of handcuffs slapped around my wrist. And shit was I hooked. I moved on to Fifty Shades and discovered the writing may not be so hot, but the sex scenes certainly were, and Anastasia Steele may be a twenty-one year old virgin, but she sure as shit didn’t act like any virgin I’d ever met. And then I started actively seeking this shit out, and I discovered (rather happily) that there was plenty of book smut to be had.

And then I got a little carried away…What J. Kenner does rather well is add a layer of depth to her book smut, and she proves she can turn a phrase about as well as her heroines drop their pink underwear. I mean, damn, this might literally heat you up faster than an oil tanker in Alaska. If you want to cozy up next to a fire and be filled with desire and have characters who might be more than just a teenage fantasy, honey have I got an author for you. Men, do yourselves a favor and grab an armful of erotica and run to the nearest available cash register. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

So what went wrong? The life of a con just filled me with all sorts of wrong, and my fantasy bubble was burst. It exploded, and then shattered around me, even as I found myself continuing to turn the pages. Cole and Cat didn’t hit me like that, and I found myself more than a tad disappointed. So one might say, you could blame it on my own expectations. Because I was looking for a peak (a wonderful send-off if you will), and I was left with a valley instead. But what I will say before I go is that I rather enjoyed the way this trilogy focused on a trio of heroes and heroines, instead of ruining a perfectly adequate tale by spreading it over three novels (Fifty Shades I’m talking to you). But then J. Kenner has plenty of talent, along with a wicked imagination. And she’d probably make one hell of a librarian.

I received this book for free through NetGalley.

Clean And Sharp

Posted on January 10, 2015 by Robert Downs

Baby Moll by John Farris
My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Dammit, I can’t really remember this novel at all. So what I will say is North Dakota is really green this time of year. No, that’s not right either. If there are excess words to be found in the English language, you probably won’t find them within the confines of BABY MOLL. This novel punched me in the gut, and then it kept on swinging even after I had already hit the ground. But that’s what I love about Hard Case Crime novels. Those beautiful bastards rip out your insides, and then staple them to your forehead.

The dialogue is clean and sharp; the characters have discovered more than a few problems; the action has a brutish quality; and there’s a clear distinction between the good guys and the bad guys (and no it’s not the white hats). The women often remind me of pin-up models, and I can devour a Hard Case Crime novel in approximately two hours and fifty-nine minutes. If life gets better than this, then I’d like to see it, because that probably means there’s a pot of gold with my name on it, or a mob boss ready to shove a hand grenade up my keister. These days, one can never really tell.

Sons Of Anarchy

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Robert Downs

Ice Shear by M.P. Cooley
My Rating: 2/5 Stars

Now that I have made my break from Bismarck, ND, I can once again write reviews of my own volition. It’s much easier to let the creative juices flow when you are no longer chained to a radiator. Anyway…M.P. Cooley knows her small towns and she knows her cops, but pages and plots filled with motorcycles and biker gangs turned me off a tad. Needless to say, my redneck status has been revoked by the great state of Mississippi.

But the picture she did in fact paint of Small Town USA made me wish I had enjoyed it more than I did. But I cannot stop the demented demon, as he often has a mind of his own. And maybe I might have enjoyed the meth lab a tad, if I didn’t have such a clear image of Breaking Bad in my rearview mirror. Or maybe I should be shunned by the great state of New York, have toothpicks jammed in my eyes, shoved in front of a television, and have Sons of Anarchy reruns shoved down my gullet.

The pages did not move at a breakneck speed, and I did not experience even the slightest hint of a wow factor. But that could just be me. I can never really tell these days, and once the nightmares cease (No, not the knife!), I may be able to offer a more coherent interpretation.

I received this book for free at Left Coast Crime.